my freaking. awesome. life.

One of the biggest debates in the whole Gay Rights movement is whether being homosexual is a choice or not. Nature vs. Nurture. Is there some magic mystery rainbow gene that makes your baby boy flick his wrist and giggle with a lisp? Or is your daughter a lesbian because you let her read comic books and wear Birkenstocks? Damn it, you knew you shouldn’t have let her go to softball camp in Portland.

Most gay people say that they were born that way. But I’ve met a few that say they find the opposite gender attractive, too. It’s just a choice that they’ve made. In all honesty, this is what it comes down to:

WHO. CARES.

Whether it’s a choice or not, what difference does it make? The fact is, there are alternate lifestyles than the ones coming from white-bread cookie cutter Bibledom. It shouldn’t matter to you, or anyone else. It’s still a civil rights issue.

Let’s go back a handful of decades, shall we? Back when being black was considered inferior in our society. Shit, until 1978, our dear presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s church didn’t even allow black men into priesthood. (And in the Church of Latter Day Saints, all head-of-household males are part of the priesthood. In other words, no Mormon black man could reach salvation.) I’m no hypocrisy theology expert, but to me that basically means being black was a sin. Here’s my math:

• Being a Mormon + Being Black = Unattainable Salvation
• A Black Mormon passes away + He Can’t Be Saved = Eternal Damnation

(There is some sort of temporary hell Mormons go to where they get the opportunity to repent. I guess that means if a Black spirit ends up there, it can be turned white, and then it will get to see Albino Jesus in all His pale, SPF glory.)

Apparently in 1978 the Church of Latter Day Saints discovered that being black was in fact not a choice. Like, duh. But what if being black was a choice? Would our religious communities have tried praying the black away? Would they have put our black youth into therapy, telling them that one day, if they tried hard enough, they could eventually be white and accepted in the eyes of God like everybody else?

Sounds fucking ridiculous, right? Well, that’s exactly what’s happening with LGBTs today. Because there is no physical difference between gay and straight people, many anti-gay groups (or “pro-family” or “pro-marriage” if you want to put some polish on a turd) think that it’s some sort of mental disorder, sexual confusion, or demonic takeover. And that’s just really fucking stupid.

If everybody in your family is  sexually attracted to white people, but you’re attracted to Mexicans, should your family sit you down and have an intervention? Should they try to convince you that, if you put forth the effort, you might actually find a white person attractive? Regardless if it’s a choice or not, it’s still offensive for them to even suggest such things, as if something is inherently wrong with your judgement.

Here’s what I can tell you. I was born in 1987. I was a cute little kid. I started playing baseball as soon as I could find a mitt that fit my tiny hand. I loved going to the ballpark with my family, eating hot dogs and going pee in those huge trough urinals (it was an excuse to pee all over the wall!). I also loved basketball, and I played everyday at recess throughout grade school. I was naturally athletic and had no trouble picking up new sports.

You know what else I did? Played dress-up. My best friend and next door neighbor had the coolest fairy costumes and princess dresses, and I looked damn good in a tiara. Hey, I was a kid. So who cared? I don’t wear dresses anymore. I prefer pants.

Princess Mac

I was also a gymnast, and a good one at that. I won Gold in the Washington State All Around when I was 13. So I spent half my life doing flips in a leotard, is that what made me gay?

White socks with black pants? Gross.

Who. Cares.

Fact is: I am. I don’t really remember ever being physically attracted to girls. Sure, I liked them, and it registered that some girls were prettier than others. But so what? Straight men understand that Ryan Gosling is more attractive that Jim Belushi.

However, I do remember being physically attracted to boys right about when I hit puberty. At first I convinced myself that I didn’t like these boys, I just wanted to be like these boys. For the longest time I convinced myself that I wasn’t attracted to them, but attracted by the idea of them. After all, they were popular and handsome so who wouldn’t be? Oh wait, the other guys didn’t feel this way either? Huh. Oh, I mean– Yay boobies!!!

I’m really sick of all these conservative types claiming they know everything about nature. Being gay isn’t natural. It’s unnatural to go against procreation. If you actually gave a shit about nature, you wouldn’t try to stunt and deprive people of their sexual instincts, regardless if it’s an instinct they were born with or one they’ve acquired. People falling in love and enjoying each other is a beautiful thing, and discriminating against different types of love is the only thing that should be considered unnatural. It’s the 21st century, people. Why is this still an argument?

Moving on.